Smile.

Knees

Knees are actually ugly.. don't you think?

Ha

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Get it?

Hamster?

Hey, look, see that little hamster on your screen? If you don't then update your Java, you suck. If you do see it, then its yours, you have won, you have found the secret to life and everything around you. Yes your life is now caring for this little hamster, feed it, make it go in its wheel, let it free. 

You will now watch this hamster 24/7 until you cannot soak in its cuteness any more.

What do you want to see?

I now ask you, what would you want to see on this blog? Would you like questions? Me arguing with life? the decapitation of my close friends?



I leave it down to you, so comment and such.

Don't Bet On Fate

Fate is a dreadful mistress, many people believe that everything is decided before it happens, like everything is set in stone, written in the heavens even before you have experienced it. What do I say to this you may ask? Well I completely agree with it. Ha, what would I be like if I agreed with things like that, that's right, a fool.



Fate is impossible, implausible, totally ridiculous, and its only purpose is to make people feel like they have a purpose in life, like someone has given them a future. Fate is just another phrase for 'I can't tell you your future right now but I can say you might have one', silly humans, always making up stuff just to make themselves feel good.



So, yes, you have no fate, your life is yours and nothing can do your life for you. So take charge, grow up and stop blaming someone else for your 'fate' being a bit of not what you wanted.

I have stolen your spoons

Gravity Sucks

Gravity, apparently the most destructive force in the universe, it can rip planets apart, create black holes, create super black holes like the one that out galaxy is slowly descending into. But think, we are all beating gravity just purely existing. Lets put it into perspective, the Earth is roughly 40,000 km in diameter, 6000000000000000000000000kg in weight, and yet we still are able to overcome the gravity that it has on us just simply by bending our legs rapidly. We are on average 80lb in weight, of which 34lb is skeletal muscle, and only 15lb of that is leg muscle. So 15lb of muscle is required to overcome the gravitational pull of the earth, really puts down gravtity doesn't it? Comparing the weight of the earth to the average weight of a human shows that the gravity of the earth really isn't that strong, yet we have problems with it every day.

Obviously space shuttles are badly designed.

Staying Alive

Staying alive seems like the most simple task, sadly to say your wrong (this pattern keeps emerging in my posts right?), the most basic function we can operate is life, just the action of food and liquid keeps out body in tact. Seems simple enough right? Well it is, but the actual art of staying alive is hard, confused? You should be, the amount of actions your body has to carry out to just be alive greatly exceeds the amount thst requires you to acquire something to eat and drink. Which makes staying alive incredibly complex, but at the same time staggeringly easy.

Don't take your fact that your alive so easy, you work much harder than you think to do it.

Arghh Blogger

Well yes, Blogger went down, I think I lost 1 post which is okay, not sure if it will come back though. Oh well, Blogger has been going down a lot recently and its starting to annoy me. I have yet to recover a whole new blog that I started.

If it comes back I will put a link here for you guys. Many thanks if you are still following.

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover, Read The Blurb First

Yes, I want you to judge me right here, right now, in front of the world. I want you to find my faults and tell me in great detail why you hate them and wish I would change them just for your own pleasure.

People complain and moan about being judged all the time, but is it really that bad? That wasn't a question, its not a bad thing. Being judged places you in the world, if we didn't judge people then we would all have to get to know each other and if you are reading this blog then I seriously doubt you want to go around greeting people, sitting down and listening to their life story about how they weren't allowed to jump as a child. Now that would suck, but getting judged doesn't. Let people judge you, even if its who you actually aren't, maybe they are judging you better than you really are? That is a good thing, until you meet them, then you just disappoint them, but that is another hurdle that we might cross if I talk about it in spite of this blog having no real direction at all.

Will I judge you? You will now be asking yourself, yes I will, I judge that you are completely insane for reading all this and that you should be locked up and forced to eat bran flakes for the rest of your life.

Good Or Bad? You Don't Choose

Good and bad are only defined in relation to other actions that others carry out, these have been defined by society, to give labels to people, lacing them into groups, good and bad, this system is in place purely to make society function easier, to allow people to carry out their role faster and more efficiently. But, good and bad are only measured by what people have told you, and by what actions all ready exist to be measured against. For example, if you punch a man, in this modern world people might dislike yo for a bit, but say that this was a world where there were no more severe actions than this one, then that would mean that you would be regarded as incredibly bad, the most insane, evil person (that's you).

So, when you do something that you think is good or bad, remember, its only that way because you have been told it is.

Dreams From Beyond My Mind

I have decided to collect dreams and post them here for your lovely eyeballs to cast upon, then you can decide which one you like the most and worship it like a Greek god or however you like to express your emotions.

The dream in question is from my dear friend: In his old school he used to attend Drama, much to his dislike the class was annoying him, in his dreams this class made a re-appearance. He likes his music and in this dream he was playing a gig for his drama class, but the music was so heavy that all the heads of the students in the class spontaneously exploded, this has brought him much joy. I do love other's imaginations, they make me wonder if people have hidden wishes inside that are only revealed in their dreams.

So, be wary of a murderous metal god that will make your head explode.

No, no you are not.

Its a matter of the case of why you think that you control your life, but you don't, putting it plain and simple. Everything else controls what you do, your emotions control what you do, the people around you tell you what you can and can't do, the word 'freedom' can only be used when you have absolutely no boundaries, when you can bend and manipulate every dimension of the universalism without expelling any energy at all. If only that were possible, but its not, so no freedom for you. But lets take a look at your mind, now that has freedom, it is possibly the only place in the entire universe where there are no boundaries, of course other people have the same thing but we shall ignore them for a bit, so your mind has an infinite possibilities of what it can create in its complex system of nerves, the possibilities are endless. True freedom is in the mind, so no matter what situation you are in, just think you are in a different one, and life will just get harder for you from there.

Please listen to my advice, it won't help.

Sayings

I have heard many a time the phrase 'Life is like a box of chocolates'. This is what I have to say. How!?!? Life is a swirling mass of self doubt while you are surrounded by people who you only care about because people say you have to, all wrapped up in a world where making a name for yourself is as hard as taking your house and painting it invisible.

So no, life is not like a box of chocolates, it's just plain insanity. Life is more like the secret sixth sense hidden behind your eyes, it's always just out of reach.

Shouting

I have come here today to shout at you, yes you, no don't turn around and ask if its really you, its you and if you don't know it then click the big X in your browser. Now that your gone I shall start. ARGHHH, there are so many things that I would love to shout to you about, but seriously, all you want from this is to get a little chuckle or to see me break down crying. But I won't give you the satisfaction, instead I will tell you something that no one else has ever said to you, ever. Here it goes.

Do you want to lick the left corner of my bed?

If you have heard this before then good luck to you.

Time, Space and Red Chewing Gum

Its not everyday that you get a chance to fly, I myself have never flown before but it would be amazing to try it, although to get my body off the ground would require a lot of thrust and because of my extreme lack of wings sadly this is not possible. But could time fix that? Time caused evolution to evolve us into society bound humanoids so why can't we evolve wings? It is entirely possible that through evolution we could evolve wings and a bone structure to accompany these wings. The energy requirement is massive, to get my body off the ground just by using wings would requite massive wings and a lot of energy.

So come on evolution, what are you waiting for?

Rolling the die of chance

We underestimate the amount of danger that we face everyday, that car you just waited to go by, could have causes you to turn to a small pile of dismembered appendages. The danger that we could experience is greatly understated in our modern world. Even simple things, for example your cat, could easily cause a sever amount of damage, but why doesn't it? Because of chance, chance is the only reason that we are still here, that we haven't been wiped out by dangers such as falling rocks or knives that have been launched from your friend's hand, chance has prevented you from being eliminated from this world. Without the randomness of this universe we would be nothing, not even possible to survive in this world. And why are we so susceptible to harm? Because us humans are not very protected, several layers of skin? Yes that is all evolution gave us, a few layers of mushy easily broken skin, thank you evolution, you have served us well.

You are still reading this post purely because the car that just past you or your house did not either uncontrollably run you down or plow through your house.

Dream: Unicorn Police

I had a dream, it was a strange dream, a dream that the depths of my mind had created because my imagination is too wild to be let loose during the day. My dream was as such, I had a party at my house, when 2 Unicorn Police arrived at my door to break it up, police with unicorn bodies and human heads and arms, and unicorns being unicorns they got sucked into the music and started partying. For some unexplainable reason the unicorns started to dump rainbows everywhere, a constant stream of rainbow coming out of their, yer, meanwhile someone started to eat this rainbow and overdosed, this caused this person to transform into a full unicorn.

You probably fully understood this dream, if not then you have disgraced your family and you shall be decapitated at once.

Lump of meat.

Yes, you may have heard the news that you are human, but this is not true no it is not. You are simply a small organism on the face of the earth, a small lump of meat that a great percentage of the carnivores on this planet would gladly rip the flesh of your bones and fead their young. So, after realising that you are small and insignificant you can finally get to grips with your role on this earth. Well, you don't have one, surprise surprise. All we do is destroy, destroy this earth that we call home, just to go and complain at why we are in trouble. So stop complaining, man up and stop crying about why your baby has 4 eyeballs.

Do not fret

Yes, this blog my be slightly confusing, if not completely insane and incoherent, but do not fear! For I have simple solution, eat 14 bowls of your favourite and jump up and down for 12 minutes, that should make you dizzy enough to understand this blog. And if that doesn't work then you can send me a letter and i will send you some special reading glasses which will make things all the more clear.

Your thanks is not required, just a round of applause. 

Yes I am a pirate

ARGHH, You may have noticed that little Amazon box next to these words that your eyeballs are reading at a pace only glaciers can measure, if you have not then look to the left. Now you see it, yes click on it, now, if you are still reading then you have failed and i now don't like you any more, so try again, if you fail one more time then I might have to share my picture of you holding a incriminating object. Threatened? I thought so. So click or be damned to my downstairs cupboard for ever.

Your reading this again

Why? Why are you reading this? Seriously do you think that my words will actually benefit you in any way shape or form? Why yes they will, they will greatly enhance your life as you know it. Follow me, and like Jesus, I will die! Wait no, follow me and I shall give you all a little piece of my mind, not that I would like to. But you can have it none the less, a tiny piece just for you, I will even gift wrap it just so you won't whine about how small it is. So you have made it this far, well done, you may rest for 36.4 years before carrying on, nahh just kidding you will be dead by then, yes dead, the world will end 6 and a half minutes after you read this, no matter when you do, 6 and a half minutes. So, after your rest come back and the internet will be gone because of giant internet eating space giraffes that dislike the colour orange. Just one more question, I can see you, can you see me?

I do like the colour of your curtains...

Wondering how you got here

Don't sit there pondering how you got on this planet. NO!. Don't you dare even think about it, you know you want to but you can't, because to think about our own existence would compromise the point of our existence. You don't want to be asking how you got here, but when are we leaving? Think about it, who the hell cares why and how we are here, it won't change anything, it would make us fly or be able to throw cows 500ft in the air, it will just simply ruin our fun. What we need to do is think about how we are going to move on to the next planet so we can drain its resources and destroy it's atmosphere. Earth isn't the magical planet that will give us life forever, its plainly a rock with trees and water on it. There are thousands if not billions of similar rocks like the Earth. So lets get our tiny human buttocks in gear and find a way to drain the earth of life and piss off.

Good day humanity.